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Step Family Success - How to Embrace the Reality of Your Step Family
Step family success can be measured by many factors. It's important that step families create their own milestones of success rather than just going with what a "good" family looks like. The "good" family model, doesn't work very well for step families because it usually assumes yours is a nuclear family where mom and dad married and then had their own children. This isn't your family. So the definition of what a "good" family will look like doesn't fit! When a step family is created, not every member of it is especially thrilled. With a nuclear family this really isn't an issue. The kids are born into the family and that's that. Having a choice in the matter is never a consideration. A step family is quite a bit different. Your kids may be resentful that you made this decision and now they're "stuck" with this family. This is why a key element for a successful step family is ... Family members being civil with one another on a regular basis. Let's look at what being civil means: "not rude; polite with the minimal use of social niceties" This means that if members are not ignoring one another, purposely trying to hurt each other, or completely withdrawn you're on track! The emphasis is not on close, loving relationships as it would be in a nuclear family where the children were born in the relationship and the parents have known all the kids for the same amount of time. In a step family, the focus needs to be more on harmony rather than closeness. In time, the closeness may come. But, not all members of all step families are close. Closeness in a step family occurs due to members of the family making a decision to let these new people into their lives. It's not just a given as it is in a nuclear family. Let go of that false dream of what a nuclear family looks like. Yours in not a nuclear family. Instead, embrace the uniqueness and possibilities that lay in store for you with your step family. This will free you up to enjoy the journey with your step family rather than being frustrated because you haven't arrived at the false ideal you're waiting for.
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Contributor's Note
Click on the link below for access to other articles, forums, a Tip of the Week, video and great resources to help you achieve YOUR remarriage success.
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