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Step Family Success - A Key Element in Helping Your New Step Family Grow Close
One of the biggest concerns for step couples is, "How do we get everyone to feel closer?" It's a dilemma any step family must deal with. Step families are unique in that closeness isn't a given like it is in a nuclear family where there's mom, dad and their kids. Step family members are already members of other families. Closeness in THIS family is more of a choice than it is a given. It's important that family members have compassion for each member's current experiences. This can be looked at in two different ways: 1. Each member of your family may be at different life stages and have different needs. A perfect example of this is that one parent may have brought teenagers into the family while the other parent brought elementary aged children. These kids are at significantly different life stages and will have extremely different needs. It's important to understand this and treat the kids accordingly. This may seem obvious with this example, but what about the life stages the parents of those kids are in? The parent with the elementary aged children has never parented teenagers before. Recognizing this is a key detail. The teens' parent needs to keep this in mind in relation to how their spouse interacts with their kids. The teens need to recognize this when it comes to situations they find themselves in with their step parent. Cutting them some slack due to inexperience or ignorance rather than just assuming the worst will go a long way to helping everyone to grow closer. 2. Members of the family will also be at different stages in accepting this new family. Some people may be really happy and excited about this new family, while others may be resentful or scared of it. Family members need to honor those differences among each other rather than getting their feelings hurt. In the beginning of a step family, the only thing holding it together is the new marriage between the step couple. There aren't old memories or experiences that have bonded members over time. Those get created after the family has been created. Each member will be at a different level in their willingness to identify with this family. Acceptance and understanding of this will help speed the process along much quicker than pushing everyone to spend time together in hopes of quickly creating closeness will.
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