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Alyssa Johnson > Intel > Remarriage & Your Fiance's Ex-Spouses - Don't Forget They are the Other Parent

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Remarriage & Your Fiance's Ex-Spouses - Don't Forget They are the Other Parent

One of the most difficult aspects of a remarriage is dealing with the ex-spouses. It's real easy to want to wish them away. Let's face it, a lot of them can be a real pain in the rear end! (That's probably saying it nicely).

While the fleeting thought of their disappearance sounds like a nice idea, after they've caused turmoil in your fiance's life, the reality is your fiance needs to maintain a relationship with that person. They still are the other parent in the equation when it comes to your soon to be step children. Your fiance and his/her ex-spouse need to learn how to effectively co-parent together in order to serve the children well.

Another aspect to bear in mind is that, irregardless, of what this person did in the past, they will be a part of your future. They will always be connected to your fiance and step children. Wishing that wasn't the case won't change it. I have no doubt you've heard what a horrible spouse this person was to your fiance and how badly your partner was hurt by this person. Because of this, you're more than likely not a big fan of the ex-spouse. If they are difficult, it only makes things worse. You need to accept that you can't wish this person away and they will have influence on your impending family whether you want them to or not.

A lot of new spouses make the mistake of trying to exclude the ex-spouse and take over as the "new" parent. This is just about the worst thing you can do. Your step kids will resent it because you are NOT their parent. You will also unleash the wrath of the ex-spouse even worse because of fears of being displaced in their kids lives.

The best choice is for you to accept now that this person is here to stay. No matter how difficult, conniving, or downright mean they may be. My hope is that your fiance and his/her ex-spouse have a good working relationship with one another. This will make you new life together go much more smoothly.

But...

If that's not the case, this is a really important aspect to pay attention to as you move forward in planning a life together.


Contributor's Note

I invite you to come visit us for the best information around on life after divorce, dating, remarriage preparation and creating the step family of your dreams!

Contributed by Alyssa Johnson on March 8, 2008, at 9:42 AM UTC.

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This intel was contributed by Alyssa Johnson


Alyssa Johnson

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