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Remarriage Preparation & the Ex-Spouse - Remember the Romantic Relationship is Over w/the Ex-Spouse
Many fears abound when planning for a remarriage. One of them typically is the ex-spouse. I frequently hear : "Do they love me as much as they did the ex?" or "Do they still think about their ex-spouse when we're together?". While common, these fears can cause many problems not only for you but the relationship as a whole. It's essential that you remember your partner has chosen to be with you now. You have no control over their past. That is over (thus "the past") and you are their future. Torturing yourself with fears and worries about your partner's past will only cause you to lose sleep and joy. Focus on the fact that you're in the process of planning a new life together. If you're engaged, this means BOTH of you have made the decision to start a new life together. You're BOTH committed to moving forward in this relationship. While the ex may still be in the picture due to co-parenting responsibilities, the romantic aspect of their relationship has ended. While it's common to worry that your fiance may still care about their ex-spouse, you need to realize they've made the decision to be with you. If you have a difficult time remembering this, talk to your partner about it. Be open about your insecurities when it comes to their ex-spouse. As a couple, try to come up with specific steps to be taken that will help you with those fears. I have to take a hard stand here and say that if after doing this, you can't let those worries and fears go, and doubts are constantly plaguing you, you're not ready to marry just yet. The last thing you want to do is begin a new marriage when you're still worried about your new partner's last one. Give youself time to work through this and then move forward with the wedding plans.
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