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Alyssa Johnson > Intel > Remarriage Communication - This is THE Most Important Communication Skill for Your Remarriage

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Remarriage Communication - This is THE Most Important Communication Skill for Your Remarriage

As you prepare for your remarriage, an important task is to take inventory of your strengths as a couple and what work you still need to do. Communication skills are a very important area to evaluate . The most important of these skills is the ability to problem solve. A lot of couples don't do this very well. They argue and nothing is accomplished. Getting annoyed with your partner is a normal part of any relationship. You're different people with different needs and these needs with clash from time to time. When this happens, the two of you need to discuss this and figure out how you're going to handle it. This is where problem solving comes in.

After you bring up a concern, then some possible solutions need to be discussed. If this step gets skipped, then all you're doing is griping which is a waste of time and breaks down the relationship over time. This is probably one of the hardest aspects of communicating because it requires you to take ownership of your needs and to present them in a way that they will be heard instead of causing your partner to become defensive.

It's a complex group of skills including the art of negotiation and compromise. The good news is that you've probably already done this hundreds of times. Things such as "Where do you want to go out to eat?", "Which TV show do you want to watch?', "Which store do you want to go to first?" are all examples! The key is being able to transfer those successes to harder subjects.

A great tip for problem solving is using the "I Message" script. Here's how it works:

I feel _____ when _____ because ____ I want/need/would like ______

The beginning allows you to take ownership of the problem you're having. You aren't blaming your partner. The middle part of this script offers further explanation and information as to what is going on. The ending is the key. This begins the process of problem solving. You aren't just dumping this problem in your partner's lap to fix. You are offering a solution to discuss. This allows the negotiation process to begin.

I encourage couples to use this simple script whenever they have a concern or something important to share with their partner. Give it a try and see how it works for you!


Contributor's Note

If you enjoyed this article, click on the link below to gain instant access to more articles, forums, a Tip of the Week, video. and other great resources for YOUR remarriage success!

Contributed by Alyssa Johnson on April 16, 2008, at 11:22 AM UTC.

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This intel was contributed by Alyssa Johnson


Alyssa Johnson

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