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Divorce & Your Ex-Spouse - Here's What YOU Need to do to Have a Good Relationship with the EX-Spouse
Relationships between ex-spouses can be just as varied as marriages. It's important to try to maintain a positive relationship with your ex in order to be able to co-parent effectively. It's a little hard to do that when you're still in pain or angry about the fact that the divorce happened in the first place. That's why it's so important for you to... Deal with your old marital junk You need to deal with any feelings you have about the divorce. Whether your divorce was final last week or 10 years ago, it's imperative that you work through feelings you have about it. For some people this doesn't take much work, because most of the emotions were felt as the marriage was dying. For others, it's a raw, festering wound that is infecting everything you touch. Holding onto anger, resentment and hurt as a result of the divorce will make it almost impossible for you to be able to have a civil relationship with your ex-spouse. Just talking to them (or even hearing their voice) will cause all of those emotions to come flooding in and you won't be able to make good decisions. Instead, you just react to the emotions that rise up within you. Without the ability to think things through, you will undoubtedly make poor choices when interacting with your ex. These knee jerk reactions will happen whether your children are around or not. There are few other things that are as painful for children as watching their parents engage in a bitter fight. They love you both so much. It just doesn't make sense that these two people could possibly hate each other and say things to purposely try to hurt one another. I imagine you're asking, "So how do I deal with the junk?" Here are a few tips: *If you've never gone through a divorce recovery group, find one and go
*Journal - take 5 minutes every night to write whatever comes into your mind and don't censor it
*Start a Gratitude List - find 10 things everyday that you're thankful for
*Find supportive online forums that focus on moving forward, not just complaining
*Accept responsibility for your part in the marriage ending. They NEVER end just due to one person.
*Stop blaming - whether it's yourself or your partner
*Embrace your new life - accept where you are and invest in making it good Are any of these easy? I know they aren't, but they are steps you need to take. Steps not just for yourself, but for your children as well.
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Contributor's Note
If you're having a hard time managing your anger, I'd like to invite you to learn more about our special report, "I'm Just So Mad! Dealing with the Anger of Divorce". Click on the link below to learn more.
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