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Divorce & Your Ex-Spouse - Are You Crazy? You Want Me to Do WHAT When It Comes to My Ex-Spouse?
Are you sick and tired of fighting and arguing with your ex-spouse? Is it affecting your kids and keeping you stuck in the past instead of able to move forward with your life? Unfortunately a lot of people get caught up in this cycle after their divorce. I'm sure this isn't the way you want the rest of your life to be! If you're stuck with this person (due to the fact that you have to co-parent with them), shouldn't making the relationship less volatile be a top priority? I'll be honest, there's only so much you can do. Two people have to be involved when there's an argument. But if only one of you makes an attempt at doing something different, it can quickly disrupt this negative cycle you find yourselves in. Since you can't force your ex-spouse to change, that leaves you. Now before we talk about an important step to take in that change process, I want to be real clear about a few things. This isn't about your old marriage issues where you feel like you did all the work and you're tired of trying to make the changes.
This isn't about it being your ex-spouse's turn to change.
This isn't even about nothing having worked in the past so why would it work now. What this IS about is that your relationship is different now. You are no longer romantically involved. It's not about saving the marriage anymore. It's about salvaging a healthy life for yourself and your children. It really has little do with your ex-spouse. So, here goes... Have you ever heard the phrase, "kill them with kindness"? Of course, I'm not talking literal here! This isn't about being a doormat and letting your ex walk all over you. It's more about you taking the first step. Here are some practical steps to take:
*Saying "thank you" or "please"
*Biting your tongue instead of letting loose with a snide comment
*Sharing positive things the kids have said about them or their time with that other parent
*Making sure to let them know little details about what's going on in your children's lives
*Wishing them Happy Birthday and Happy Father's/Mother's Day
*Sending them a Christmas card from both you and your children
*Not reacting and lashing out when they purposely try to start an argument.
*Ignoring obnoxious emails or messages
*Just dealing with the business at hand - raising your children and refusing to get into old marital junk. "Let's get back to the kids..."
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Contributor's Note
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