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Divorce to Remarriage - How You Can Be a Better Partner This Time Around in Your Remarriage
Preparing to remarry has a lot of steps to it. One of the most important is making sure you communicate well with one another. Needing to communicate better is such a broad term. People throw that around all the time, "We divorced because we just never could communicate", "I wish we communicated better." What does that mean? According to Webster, communication by definition means: "exchanging information." So, since communication is such a buzz word when it comes to relationships, don't you think it's a good idea to be real clear on how to do it well before you remarry? Today, we're going to take a look at 6 important ways that you're going to need to "exchange information" with your soon to be spouse: 1. Day to day sharing - In order to remain feeling connected to one another you're going to need to talk about what's going on in your family and your individual lives. Men and women do this in significantly different ways. Men tend to be very task oriented in their communication. They want and give the facts. Women tend to speak more relationally. They focus their communication on how people reacted to the events of the day. This is why women speak almost 2 words for every 1 a man utters. Making sure there is some amount of time for this day to day sharing is important not just for the relationship, but also for a successful family. These aren't "deep" conversations. It's more like knowing who needs to be where, when. 2. Compliments - This is another connection communication. It's easy in the craziness of step family life to forget to thank one another for taking the time to do things. We tend to forget good social skills with the people we're closest to. For example, if you're walking into work and a stranger holds the door for you, you'd probably thank them. But if your family is rushing out the door to head to work/school and your spouse holds the door, typically no thanks is offered. Take the time to notice those little things and thank them for it. 3. Body Language - Being able to correctly interpret your partner's body language is something that requires experience. This experience is gained over time. While there are tons of reasons not to rush into a remarriage - here is another one. Did you know that 70% of our communication is non-verbal? Only 30% is the words we say! That means it's important to learn those little looks or body gestures your partner gives you that say, "I need you to listen", "I need help from you right now", "I need space."
4. Goal Setting - Once you're married you are the co-captains of your team (family). It's important that you are able to set goals for your relationship and family. This can be as simple as what you're going to do this weekend or as complex as how to parent children. Without goals we're just floating through life. We require some idea of where we're heading. This doesn't always mean there's a formal discussion beginning with, "My goal for our family time on Saturday is...", but it does mean that the two of you can easily share your ideas about your relationship and family. 5. Concerns - Anytime you spend a lot of time with someone, they will get on your nerves. If you haven't reached this point with your partner yet, it's because you're still in the blinding haze of infatuation. Don't naively assume it's always going to be that way or you'll find yourself sorely disappointed. When things come up that you disagree with or have concerns about, you need to have a way to be able to share that with your partner so it will be heard. If it's presented incorrectly, it's easy for your partner to disregard it or for a fight to break out. 6. Problem Solving - After you bring up the concern, then some possible solutions need to be discussed. If this step gets skipped, then all you're doing is griping which is a waste of time and breaks down the relationship over time. This is probably one of the hardest aspect of communicating. It's a complex group of skills including the art of negotiation and compromise. The good news is that you've probably already done this hundreds of times. Things such as "Where do you want to go out to eat?", "Which TV show do you want to watch?', "Which store do you want to go to first?" are all examples! The key is being able to transfer those successes to harder subjects. Poor communication skills comprise one of the main reasons that couples divorce. You may have experienced this with your first marriage. If so, why repeat it? Take the time you have now - prior to your remarriage - to learn how to do things differently. Don't wait until things are a mess to fix them; be proactive now!
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Contributor's Note
Now that you know the important 6 skills, learn how to apply them! Join our Pre-Marital Article Archive, where I will be adding individual articles on each of these 6 topics over the next few weeks. Along with these articles, you'll have instant access to over 40 other great articles on life after divorce, dating and remarriage preparation. You can join today, by clicking the link below.
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