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Divorce, Despair, or Depression? How to Control Which It Will Be After Your Divorce
Divorce causes so many different emotions that it can seem overwhelming at times. One of the strongest of these emotions is despair. It's easy to understand why despair comes along in the course and aftermath of a divorce. So many things are changing at once that it's difficult to be able to focus on all of them, let alone cope with them. After debris has settled though, holding onto despairing thoughts is more likely to leave you stuck than it is in helping you to pick up the pieces and move forward. Let's focus on why these thoughts of despair don't help soothe a wounded spirit, but instead cause you to you to use poor judgement at a time when you need to be making a lot of important decisions. You aren't able to be there emotionally for your children - If you're in the depths of your own sadness over your own losses, that leaves little room for you to help your children adjust to their own sadness over their own losses. Your kids need you. They need to know you will be there to hold them when they cry. Is it ok for you to cry right along with them? Sure it is. But you have to be able to distance yourself from your own thoughts of pain to tune into theirs. You don't handle your daily responsibilities - When despair lingers, it turns into that nasty little thing called depression. Most depressed people experience such things as sleep problems, irritability and a lack of desire to do anything. All of those create a recipe for disaster with daily living. You may find yourself not paying bills on time, taking off of work to lie around sleeping or crying or just vegging out watching hours and hours of TV. This is a slippery slope that's leads to a pit that's very hard to climb out of. You can wind up in a really lousy relationship - If the sadness causes you to seek out comfort from any source, you won't be as discerning as you might generally be, leading to a potentially unhealthy relationship. This will cause more headache and problems for you rather than comfort. You are in NO shape to be in another relationship when you're still grieving another one. Not to mention the way your kids will feel about a new "companion" when they are still reeling from the fresh divorce. Pay attention to these warning signs. Take a good hard look at where you are right now. Is it a good place or are you sliding down? Do you have a right to feel sad and overwhelmed for awhile? Sure you do! It's when it becomes a habit over a period of time and it begins affecting those around you that you need to take steps to move forward.
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Contributor's Note
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