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Alyssa Johnson > Intel > Dating After Divorce - Your First Step to a Great Date After Divorce

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Dating After Divorce - Your First Step to a Great Date After Divorce

Dating after divorce causes many mixed emotions. Fears about what dating is like now are common by those who were married for a long time. Anger about even having to go through the process of the dating scene abound. Worries about, "Am I ready?" should be a priority as well. Today let's look at one guide post to knowing you're ready to date again.

You're emotionally stable

There's quite a roller coaster of emotions experienced during and after a divorce. Sometimes it can make you feel crazy. It's like walking through a haze for a lot of people. Suddenly they realize it's not a haze, but is actually their life and they've got to take some proactive steps instead of just walking around like a zombie.

All of those numb and chaotic feelings should be over if you're considering dating. There should be no more sudden crying or complete loss of temper for no reason. You should feel confident that you can hold a conversation with your date and not be afraid you'll break out into to tears or a stream of cursing any second.

Another way to know you're more stable is when the strong emotions about the divorce itself have passed. You're not still as upset about all of the changes you and the children have been put through. You have accepted them as best you can and acknowledge this is the reaility of your new life. You're not still dwelling on the past and what could or should have been.

Finally, the last way to know you're more stable is when the death fantasies about your ex have ceased. I know this may have caused you to laugh a little, but they are a common step in the grief process of a divorce. I'm not saying you ever considered acting on it. But wishing or thinking about the possibility is fairly common. The key here, is that your mind is not occupied on thinking about your ex-spouse.

The common aspect in all of the steps of stability is that you've moved on and accepted the divorce. You've finished the grieving process and are ready to step out into a new phase of your life. It's not fair to anyone you may date to for you to still be in the midst of that grief. Who wants to spend a few hours listening to their date rant and rave about their ex-spouse or hear how miserable their life is now compared to the past? Sounds like a fun date, eh?

The honest truth is if you're not emotionally stable, you're no good to anyone, let alone a stranger you're meeting on a date. Rather than making the wasted investment of your time in dating, invest it in taking care of yourself so that you can make better choices for yourself and your children. They are the ones you need the stability from you, much more than some stranger you may be having dinner with.


Contributor's Note

One great way to help you become more stable is to release your anger. I want to invite you to learn more about our special report, "I'm Just So Mad! Dealing with the Anger of Divorce". It will walk you step by step through moving beyond that anger into a place of healing for not only you, but your children as well. Just click on the link below for more information.

Contributed by Alyssa Johnson on April 1, 2008, at 8:18 AM UTC.

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This intel was contributed by Alyssa Johnson


Alyssa Johnson

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