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Dating After Divorce - This Little Change Makes ALL the Difference When Preparing to Date
You're starting to think more about dating now that the divorce has been final for awhile. There may be some tentativeness and worry about, "Am I ready for all of this?" Today, let's focus on a prime indicator of readiness... You see your ex-spouse as the other parent now, not as a romantic partner This is a rather dramatic switch in thinking. You've been married to this person for years. They have been your exclusive romantic partner for a long time. To stop thinking of them in these terms can take some getting used to. There are four main ways to know you've achieved this milestone: 1. Reconciliation dreams have stopped. - You've accepted that the marriage is over and there's no reversal of that. You're able to firmly address these questions when your children ask. There's no wavering or tears anymore because you no longer hope it's a reality. In fact, you may have a better perspective on how your marriage used to be, and are grateful not to be in that situation anymore. 2. You don't have a desire to "get even" or try to hurt your ex-spouse. - It's normal to want to hurt someone when they've you. But this investment of energy shows you're still very much connected to your ex-spouse. The goal is not to be. The opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy. You have a business relationship with your ex-spouse now. You have to work together to raise your children. Lashing out at them won't further that task. 3. You don't view dating as a race to see who can remarry quicker or show they are the happiest now. - This is yet another vindictive maneuver. Who really wins in this race anyway? If you rush to be the first to remarry you may find yourself in a worse marriage than the one you were in!! And think about that for a minute...Does it even make sense to marry someone in order to beat your ex-spouse to the altar??? Is that fair to your new spouse? Is that fair to your children? Is that fair to you? 4. You refer to them as "my child's father/mother" instead of "my ex-spouse." - This is a conscious choice, but one I'd encourage you to make. It switches your focus back to what your relationship with them is now. They aren't your spouse, they are the other parent. Using this simple phrase change continually reminds you of this. It also keeps you focused on the good result of your relationship with them rather than the negative one.
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